


Warmth

by EchoEquinox



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, KH3 spoilers, Mentioned Riku/Naminé, Physical Abuse, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:06:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoEquinox/pseuds/EchoEquinox
Summary: Xion tries to reconcile with what it means to BE, and goes to the only other person she can think to talk to about it all.(Set roughly a month before the events of my Stellar Wind series)





	Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> I initially had this tagged as Riku/Naminé before realizing that there wasn't... any actual Riku/Naminé content aside from them being together LOL whoops! Sorry for the misleading tag, I've since rectified it

_The impact of Axel’s chakrams against her keyblade created a shockwave of heat that she barely registered, immediately going into a swing of her own, slamming against his side. She’d gotten in too close, and his other hand whipped around, the chakram colliding with the side of her head and-_

* * *

 

Xion awoke in a cold sweat, panting and looking around, her keyblade already summoned to her hand. But… everything was quiet. She wiped her forehead and paused, looking down at the sweat. This body was… different than her first. She still didn’t understand all the quirks, but she was learning. Sweat was from heat - was it from the dream? Did her dream of fighting Axel make her physically warm to sweat?

She let her keyblade fizzle away and lay back in bed, staring at the ceiling. They had allowed her to paint the apartment she’d been given, and she really didn’t know what to do, so she had just painted it all white. It reminded her of the castle back during her Organization days. Something… familiar to hang on to.

She turned to her side, reaching for her gummiphone, then paused. Who would she even call? She wasn’t sure if she could talk to Axel - most people he'd told to call him Lea, but he told her to call him Axel, for whatever reason - after the dream. She could call Roxas, but he was probably sleeping. If she called Isa he’d just hand the phone to Axel, and then she’d have to deal with that. Instead she just groaned and flopped against her bed.

After a few minutes she sighed, throwing the sheets off of her, into a pile in the corner of the bed, and rising to her feet, stretching. She threw on a hoodie and some jeans and stepped out into the evening air. The sun had already dipped below the horizon, but was still casting enough light to make her shield her eyes as they slowly began to adjust before heading out.

She wasn’t really sure where she was going, and she was kind of worried since she’d only lived in Twilight Town for a few weeks now, and it was still so new and different. She SHOULD be able to get back though, probably. She may have to ask help from the locals, which she wasn’t quite ready for. After the whole business at the Keyblade Graveyard, saving the worlds from Xehanort, they were basically small celebrities. Most people in town knew her name, which… was kind of uncomfortable for her.

Keeping that in mind, she threw her hood up as she walked, keeping her head down and avoiding eye contact. She had to make herself look like she knew where she was going, and needed to get there fast, so that they wouldn’t try to stop and talk to her, or take her picture, or… buy her ice cream or whatever they thought to do when they saw her.

She stopped in her tracks when she realized where her walk had taken her, looking up at the small house on the edge of a park. Her mouth suddenly felt dry and her palms were sweaty. She should go home, or keep walking, or maybe go sit in the park. She had options, she didn’t have to be… here.

Without much conscious thought, her feet, one after the other, moved her up the walk to the door and she held her fist up, wincing as she knocked softly twice. What was she doing here? It was late enough that she would probably be asleep anyway, she didn’t want to wake her. Hopefully the knocks were quiet enough that she wouldn’t have even heard. She turned around and-

“Xion?” The voice felt like ice in her veins. She felt hot and cold all at once, and her hand itched to summon her keyblade, to lash out, to-

“Riku,” she said, turning back towards the door and putting on a light smile. It felt forced, and she hoped that he couldn’t tell. “Um… is she awake?”

“Oh, yeah, come in,” he said, stepping to the side to let her pass. The house was nicer than her dinky little apartment, but… what would she even DO with more room? It’s not like the house was lavish, by any means, it was just more than a bedroom, living room, bathroom and kitchenette. There was a dining room, and a spare bedroom or two, and it was TWO floors. She never understood why someone would have stairs in their house - you have to walk more to get where you needed to be. Her apartment was simple, and made sense, and easy.

“She’s in her bedroom,” Riku said, passing behind her and moving into the dining room. 

“Thank you,” she said, turning to leave.

“Oh, and good to see you, Xion,” he smiled. “Naminé says you haven’t gotten out much.”

“Oh. Yeah, I haven’t needed to.” She paused, then turned and walked away, hoping he couldn’t feel the waves of anxious energy she was giving off. She wound down the hallway and stopped at the door, feeling much the same way as when she approached the house, though this time she was a bit too far in to turn around a leave. She knocked lightly and heard and voice from inside say something affirmative and pushed into the room.

She smiled lightly at the sight of the bedroom - it was a lot like her own. Naminé had mostly spent time in Castle Oblivion, so even when she was at the mansion in Twilight Town, she made her room white, and had done the same here. Except, much like her room at the mansion, the room was covered with drawings she’d done and stuck up.

“Wow, Naminé,” Xion said, approaching the wall and looking at some of the art. Some were of adventures she knew about, others must have been things Naminé experienced without her, and some seemed to be completely new images, things that Naminé had made up. Xion smiled, feeling a sense of pride well up in her chest. They were their own people, with their own experiences. She didn’t have to just draw Sora’s adventures anymore, she could be anyone she wanted. Part of Xion said that she, too, could be anyone she wanted, but she pushed it down so she could just be happy for Naminé.

“Xion!” She spun to see Naminé grinning, setting down her pencil. “I’m so glad to see you. It’s late, are you okay?”

“Oh, no, I’m fine Naminé,” she chuckled. “I just… couldn’t sleep.” Naminé frowned.

“You’re sleeping during the day again?” She felt a hot prickling at the back of her neck as she blushed in shame.

“I, uh, I mean I just… I had fallen asleep, and…” Naminé continued to frown and she winced, moving over to the bed and sitting down on it. “You can keep drawing, don’t let me keep you.” Naminé paused for a minute, before setting the picture she was working on aside and grabbing a fresh piece of paper.

“You couldn’t sleep?” Naminé prompted.

“Oh, yeah, you know. Just… couldn’t,” she shrugged, lying back on the crisply made bed.

“Because of the dreams.” It was more a statement than a question, and Xion sighed, nodding. “My offer still stands, Xion.” She couldn’t help herself from taking a sharp inhale - Naminé had been pressing the issue for a while, especially when Xion brought up things like this.

“I- n-no, I’m fine, it’s alright,” she stammered. “I’m… doing better I think.”

“Mm,” Naminé replied, unconvinced, tapping her pencil to her lip.

“How… about you?” she asked, trying to change the subject. “How’re you? And… Riku?” She groaned internally, rubbing her forehead. The LAST thing she’d hoped to change the subject too.

“I’m fine,” Naminé smiled. “He came in a few days ago from Radiant Garden. He was checking in with Ansem, Ienzo, and Even.” Even. Vexen. She felt a hot spike of panic but pushed it down. “They haven’t found him yet.”

“Found him?” Xion asked absently.

“Sora,” Naminé replied.

“Oh, right.” Still missing. Still lost to the darkness, whatever happened to him to bring Kairi back. She said she couldn’t remember anything since Xehanort took her at the Keyblade Graveyard, leaving the others with very little to go off of. Riku had been checking the other worlds for leads, while Ansem and his apprentices had used the data they took from Sora’s heart to make a sort of tracker, though it seemed to not be going anywhere.

“Xion.” Her head snapped up, meeting the blue eyes watching her. “You’re not okay.” She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead she felt hot tears welling up in the corners of her eyes and she blushed, turning to face the wall. She didn’t want to cry, but even as she wiped her face with the back of her sleeve, she felt tears running down her cheeks. She felt the bed shift as Naminé sat down behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, Xion. Nobody expects you to be okay.”

“ _I_ expect me to be okay,” she mumbled. “I shouldn’t… still be hurting. Everything is better, we’re all here, I have y- …I have friends, people who care, it’s… more than I ever deserved. More than I was ever MEANT for. I was built as a weapon, but I get to LIVE now, and I don’t… know how.” She let out a sob and covered her face, trying to… hold it in, or prevent herself from crying, or SOMETHING.

“It’s okay, Xion,” Naminé said, in that soft way she did that made Xion really BELIEVE that it could one day maybe actually BE okay. “I’m… not okay either.” Xion’s crying stopped almost immediately.

“Really?”

“Of course not,” Naminé laughed. “The Nobody of a princess of heart, locked in a castle and then kidnapped by Ansem, and then sent back to be with Kairi? I’m not without my fair share of trauma.” Xion sniffled, turning over and nodding, looking up at Naminé. She smiled down at her, resting a hand on Xion’s head, the light overhead casting a corona around her that made her look… ethereal. “It’s why my offer is still there. You’re more than enough of a person without the things that happened that year.” Xion shuddered. That year. The first year she existed. All of the horrible things that happened to her….

“Have you erased any of your own memories?” Xion asked softly.

“No,” Naminé smiled, shaking her head. “I… I've tried.” Xion frowned and nodded.

“I don’t want to forget,” she whispered. “It was horrible, but I can’t forget all of the things that happened.” Naminé was silent. “I… was the first replica Vexen built. Have I told you that? Number 1. That’s where my name comes from. 'No. I'.” She felt the tears welling up in her eyes again but this time ignored them. “There was… a lot to be desired. They had to make a body quick to put all of the memories Sora had with Kairi into. It wasn’t… complete.” She paused. “I thought… that I felt nothing, at first. Thinking back now, comparing it to what I feel as a person, I was… cold. All the time. It chilled me to the bone, but I didn’t… have a frame of reference. I thought that was just being alive. The only other feeling I had was pain. Vexen made sure I had a pain response. He said it was ‘to let me know when I was in danger’. So he had… he had Xemnas…” She felt her panic return as Naminé stiffened under her, pulling her closer, resting Xion’s head in her lap and gently playing with her hair, letting her talk. “He beat me around a lot. Made sure I knew what pain really felt like, for when I was out on missions. Um… I’m sorry.” She wiped her eyes and looked up at Naminé.

“Why are you sorry?” she asked.

“I… don’t want to burden you with all of this. It’s bad enough I have to remember it.”

“Why do you have to remember it?”

“It… gives me a reason, to keep going. And my first memories with Axel, and Roxas, are all tangled up amidst the beatings and the emotional trauma and… I can’t lose them. Not a single memory of them. Even if it hurts to remember.” Naminé nodded, and the two were silent for a while.

“Do you want to talk to Vexen?” she asked after a moment.

“W-what?”

“If you don’t want to forget, maybe you can reconcile with it now,” Naminé replied. “You can talk to Vexen, or yell at Vexen, or… well I wouldn’t condone ATTACKING Vexen, but…” The thought gave her a sharp spike of hot panic and she opened her mouth but nothing came out. “Riku could take you to Radiant Garden, and-”

“No,” Xion said suddenly, surprising herself. “No. If I want to go to Radiant Garden I’ll just… open a corridor or something.” Naminé’s eyes went wide.

“You know you can’t.”

“I mean, I CAN-”

“Xion.” She was startled by how firm and disappointed Naminé sounded. “You know what that does to a person’s heart.”

“I- ...yeah.” She sighed, and Naminé still felt stiff beneath her head. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that.”

“Why do you hate him so much?” Naminé whispered, and Xion felt her throat tighten. “He helped save you, Xion. He helped save ME. He’s Sora’s best friend-”

“And now I have to like someone just because Sora did?” Xion said, sitting up. “What about getting out of Sora’s shadow? Living like we’re our own people?” Naminé looked surprised, but didn’t say anything. “Maybe I don’t HAVE to like someone just… just because he saved me, or you, or… I don’t know the WORLDS, I guess. Maybe if I don’t like someone that’s my own business.” She stood and started for the door.

“Xion-” Naminé began, but Xion had already passed down the hallway.

“Are you leaving?” Riku asked from the dining room as she left the house, slamming the door behind her and storming into the park. She pulled her hood up and kept walking, leaving the path and finding a patch of trees, sitting down between them and pulling her hair as she sobbed. How did she not _UNDERSTAND_? How could Naminé, of all people, not get what Xion felt?

Xion was the culmination of all of Sora’s memories of Kairi. She remembered every second Sora ever spent with her in incredibly vivid detail. From the first time the mayor introduced them to his new adopted daughter, to the last time they’d seen each other at the doors to Kingdom Hearts, promising to bring Riku back to the islands. Every memory was stored within her, and every memory she could call with perfect clarity. Except, now, those memories were different. Distorted. Instead of Sora, she was HER in the memories. Instead of Kairi, was Naminé. She had fought so hard to protect her, to keep her safe, to find her after traveling through world after world, and then, at the end of it all, Riku sweeps in, taking Naminé from her, and acting nice the whole time.

She sobbed harder, tightening the hood around her head. In a way, she HATED the new replica body. Not only was it another body that that bastard Vexen, and by extension Xemnas, had built for her, but the things it felt were too… real. The emotional pain she felt was PHYSICAL too. She wanted to throw up which was a thing she could do now, she wanted to cry forever which is a thing she CAN’T do, she wanted to make the pain inside her stop, and this body wouldn’t let her.

As she sat crying, she felt a buzzing in her pocket and as she fumbled trying to prevent it, her ringer went off loudly. She yelped in startled anxiety, pressing the button to mute it before it continued to ring. Looking at the screen she felt the spike of panic return, seeing that it was Naminé calling. She wanted to get up and run, to hide somewhere, to go back to her apartment and seal herself in like she’d been doing lately, but she was out of energy. The crying had worn her out to the point where she could barely move. She just let her forehead rest against her knees as she sobbed, hearing the footsteps nearby and the crunch of leaves as someone sat down beside her.

She removed Xion’s hood, pulling her close as Xion continued to sob.

“I’m sorry,” Naminé whispered. “I’m sorry, Xion.” Xion looked up, her face streaked with tears, and saw Naminé’s own eyes were red and puffy from crying.

“Naminé,” she croaked, her voice cracking. Naminé smiled lightly, shook her head, and leaned in, kissing Xion softly. And just like that, the anxiety was gone. The worries were gone. The sadness, the horrible things she’d been keeping in, washed away. She gasped softly, pulling against Naminé and crying as she kissed her in return. When they finally broke the kiss, they both just held each other close and cried. After a while, when the crying had subsided, the two sat curled up against the tree.

“I love Riku,” Naminé said softly. Xion opened her mouth to speak. “But. I love you too, Xion.” Naminé ran her thumb over Xion’s fingers, looking her in the eye. “I love you, Xion.” She tried to say it back but started to sob and Naminé smiled, kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry things were so horrible for you before, Xion. But I promise things are going to get better.” Xion nodded, letting Naminé hold her and closing her eyes. Her old body was cold, all the time. She was basically dead, a walking corpse, animated for the needs of the organization. This new body was real, and alive, and full of love. Full of warmth.


End file.
